conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
