you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
