So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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