i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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