I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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