You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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