I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
