im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
