I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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