I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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