His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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