i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
