Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
