Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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