She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
