I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
