you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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