need another drink. this is the easiest way
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
