Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
