I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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