I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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