we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
