you guys were way drunker than both of me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Randomize
