I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
