Already got asked if we're dating
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
