honey bunches of taint.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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