Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
