Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
