Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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