I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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