well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
