I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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