he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
