i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
