i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
