We're like a lot better than the average bears
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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