We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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