I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
