i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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