my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
