Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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