I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
