The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
