I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
