dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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