the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
