i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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