So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
