She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
