The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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