My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
