I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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