This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
