Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He? As in you personified your dick?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
