so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
